ANNIVERSARY OF RECOVERY

Looking back on my rear view mirror, i find a girl who was uncertain about a lot of things. She suffered from not being able to keep faith in anything or anyone.She was so insecure and haggard by life's injustice that she would tear up at slightest provocation. She would suffocate, knowing that her strength as well as her weakness is the same things. She couldn't spit it out, nor could she swallow.

But she tried very hard to be able to believe and have faith in a person, once again.She still wanted to believe in True Love, Companionship, and Commitment.That 'Honesty really is the best policy', that truth really does win over lies, and that Dreams truly come true if you believe, and put your hundred percent honest effort into realizing them.

AND, On this very day she reestablished that faith and once more started to believe.Once more she took a chance with her mended trust and heart as well.

After 2 years, her life has certainly gone through some distinct changes.She has learned and evolved as a person and of course, seen some yet painful days, but, she still holds on to her faith very strongly...and at times fighting for it.

What didn't change, is the fact that she still cries.

Sometimes you see her tears. But she has grown to know better. So she craft fully feigns maturity and hides them with her indifferent and cold smiles, and forced sarcasm and out-of-age maturity.For, its better to be called an Ice Queen , nonchalant, and anti-romantic;

than a pathetic wretch of a woman lead by heart and foolish sentiments.

A rEaL ChRisTmAS tReAt iNDeEd!!!

This was an up date i made some 2 years ago, which remains incomplete.


----------------->""Well...after all that had happened I truly deserved a real treat. It was necessary for me to try and do something exceptionally merry. I hoped like anything that this Christmas turns out to be a real benchmark b'coz i needed some really strong memory to keep me off the quite frequent but omnipresent out bursts of negativism.(refer to Haphazard)
I don't mind being sad...but i mind being sad for the same reason over and over again so many times.I m surprised that sadness itself hasn't got bored of me already...But never mind that now.*rolls eyes*
So where was i? yea...i was at the verge screaming out loud that i need a break!
and what break can be more welcoming than Christmas itself?!
I tried to invoke the dormant social butterfly inside of me.(partly to check whether its still alive or not >_>) and hurray!it woke up!(though it was still lazy after the long slumber)
In other words...I concentrated my attention to take a grand and fruitful attempt at Christmas.
I thought of some possible expeditions that i can indulge myself into.This was almost a week before Christmas itself...i know..plenty of time eh?...think again.It took me most of the week to just decide on what kind of celebration i want to have.""----------

I'll tell you what happened. I never got to celebrate that year. I prepared a grand feast for myself, bought cakes and all. But made plans to hang out. And go watch a movie by myself.But it around 4:30 pm it started to ...and i felt so let down! I almost cried. Will everything, even Nature itself get in the way of my happiness?WHY?

Then a crazy idea struck me! But suddenly i felt like getting wet! There was no one at home(mom went to a neighbor's and got stuck there due to rain), So sneaked out in the balcony and stepped into the cold freezing rain on 25th December evening.The sun had gone down...but there was light in the horizon. And i did nothing...kept standing there and getting drenched and chilled to the bone.
The feeling, the experience,- it was emancipating... I was liberated from the claustrophobic darkness engulfing me, and as my senses started getting numb....I realized how much my senses still worked.

That was the Christmas treat i had for myself on the 25th of December in 2008.
Later, that evening, i remember, my friends paid me a visit. I too went out with them when the rain stopped.But, though i cu the cake and all, i had this terrible headache which turned into a fever by midnight...and i faintly remember enjoying my mother's care and rebuke.
^_^